Meditation for beginners
A man with a humanitarian mission-Richard Gere
Body Contact With Your Children
A friend of mine share with me this statistics:
The bonding you have with your children descends from 100% to 0% as they grow.
- 100% Body Contact - When they are infants, you have a 100% body contact. Mom and dad carry them in your arms. You can touch them, kiss them and caress them.
- 80% Body Contact - When they are around 12 to 15 months, they can walk on their own, they need less of you to hold. The percentage of body contact is descending as they grow older.
- 5% Body Contact - This is a stage you can still hold their hands with your palm and 5 fingers.
- 1% Contact Contact - You cannot touch them. You can only use 1 finger to point at them when they do what parents think are wrong.
- 0% Body Contact - Rebellious kids will not allow parents to point at them, and parents can only use their mouth to vent their anger at them. And they may ask parents to “Shut Up”
How can we spend precious time with our children? Read more.
Time with children is precious
My brother, Alex , made a comment on my blog a few days ago. He relayed a story “a moment of truth” about the time he spent with his son Jon. He said: ” I realised that often we think of spending quality time with our family or love ones… and forgot that quantity is just as important” .
I fully agree with Alex! I like to share the articles with all parents out there.
To feel loved, safe, and secure is fundamental to everyone, regardless of age. That is why we must ensure that we make time in our busy days to provide a special moment for each of our children and for ourselves.
“You don’t know how I feel and you don’t care”, “Leave me alone”, “Get out of my space”, “I don’t need you”.
If you have ever heard these kinds of comments from your children then perhaps it’s time to stand back and look at what is happening between you and your family.
How do we address everyone’s needs, including our own? How do we deal with the specific needs of our children without sacrificing our own sanity?
Who or what comes first? Your career? Your family? Your partner? Your health?
Step one is to admit that we are not guilty of a crime by acknowledging that we are not perfect.
So the house is not picture perfect. All the washing and ironing isn’t done! Does that matter more than whether you have spent time to have a hug? Spent time to check homework is being done? Spent time to find out if there is a special event coming up one you should attend? It’s all about priorities.
You don’t necessarily have to put them in a definitive order. All can be balanced if you have the right attitude and perhaps a little professional help.
Have you ever asked your children what they expect of you? Ever told them what you expect of them? Do you even know what your expectations are? An assessment of the way each family member treats the others might create a more harmonious household.
Be honest with yourself, your partner and your children. Admit your own shortcomings without denigrating yourself.
The need to know what is expected of them is important for all children. Depending on the age of the child, expectations should be clearly outlined in language that is positive. Give them the kinds of parameters that say, “you can do ‘this’ but ‘that’ is not acceptable.”
Many times teenagers have told me, “My parents let me do what I want. They don’t care.” The child interprets this permissive attitude as, “If they don’t care, they don’t love me enough.”
Most parents do love their children but may not know how to show it in a way that the child understands.
Children of all ages need some time when they can have their parents’ undivided attention. For busy people it could mean scheduling family time into your diary. It also means scheduling time for each child individually and sticking to it. Quite simply, you must make time for your family they need you now.
Families need to spend meaningful time together. This does not mean just being in the same vicinity, but it does mean doing simple things like cooking the family meal together, or going to places that create opportunities to interact in such a way that honest communication can occur.
These should be the times when children feel relaxed and free to express themselves without interruption and be listened to. Time in front of the TV or going to a movie does not provide these opportunities.
When children feel that they have to vie for their parents’ attention, the results are often disastrous. The undivided attention of a parent is important to a child but not always a top priority for a busy parent.
The intention of the schedules and reminder notes is not to ‘force’ the family into routine that suits you. It is, rather, an attempt to establish patterns of behaviour (yours and your children’s) that benefit the whole family and to create a peaceful atmosphere where everyone feels loved and valued.
Here are some tips that may help to show your children that you really do care about them:
Take time to listen to your children without interruption. For little ones, get down to their level, perhaps kneel or sit with them. They will appreciate your undivided attention.
Ask your children how they would like to spend time with you. Be prepared to participate in what is important to them even if it is an activity that you would not choose yourself.
Observe your children do they respond to a hug; a quick back rub; cooking in the kitchen with you; a small, thoughtful, inexpensive gift; or genuine encouragement and praise? What do they enjoy and respond to most?
Take the time to read to your children
Care enough to say ‘no’- unreasonable requests and behaviour are not acceptable. Children and teenagers should be aware of consequences for unacceptable behaviour.
Take every opportunity to do things with your children rather than being an observer from the side lines
Plan special occasions. When planning a family event ask your children for their input. Give them plenty of choice and notice. Forcing them to attend a family event or an event they are not interested in is not a good start.
Children and teenagers should be part of family gatherings. These gatherings help provide them a sense of belonging, responsibility and acceptance, and tolerance for others.
Be consistent and fair - try to cater for everyone’s needs, including your own. What does not happen for one child this week may be planned for the following week.
Put aside time plan it and make it a regular part of your family routine
Consider regular family meetings. These are a good time to discover what is, and what is not, working in your family. Prepare guidelines for these meetings in advance.
By John Hacking
About the author:
Renewal Life Solutions specialises in parent effectiveness training
Communicating with your child - we don’t talk any more
Parents and their children sometimes get caught up in a vicious cycle. It does not, as many would believe, always begin in the teenage years. It can happen at any time but it is likely to accelerate in the teenage years if a pattern has already begun.
There are a myriad of reasons for children to become angry, hurt, insecure or rebellious and it can be difficult to find out why. Effective communication with children is an art that can be learned.
How to communicate with your child
Do you find that that you are constantly repeating your instructions to your children? Children tend listen to the first few words and then switch off. For example, if you say to your child, ‘you are grounded because…’ the first three words are most likely to be only the ones that are heard. Communication with children should be brief and as positive as possible. Those first words in a conversation are very precious, choose them wisely.
Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) is a branch of psychology. Practitioners will tell you that the human brain cannot process negative language. If you were asked to close your eyes and not think about a pink elephant (please take a moment and give it a try) you would find it impossible to comply, especially if this request was repeated. The same applies to a child or anyone else for that matter. ‘Don’t run across the road’ is processed in the brain as ‘run across the road’, exactly the opposite to your intended instruction. The way to get your child to hear what you want is to state it in a positive way. “Look both ways then walk across the road when it is clear,” is more likely to get the message across.
Ian Lillico a high school principal from Western Australia travelled the globe studying the needs of boys. In his findings for the Churchill Fellowship in 2000, one of the 52 recommendations is that boys do better if you talk with them when they are actively engaged in an activity. He encourages people to actively spend time doing things with boys and they will be more likely to open up and tell you what is going on in their lives or what is troubling them.
Children wear a kind of mask at school in an attempt to conform to their peers. It is important that when you try to communicate with your child that you give them some time to take this mask off first. If your child comes home angry from school, encourage them to work off some of the anger through physical activity, especially if your child is a boy. A calmer person without a mask is more likely to communicate the real source of their anger to you.
Most girls talk more easily about what is important to them than boys do. Even as adults, men tend to talk with their mates about sport rather than personal issues whereas women freely talk about such issues with their friends.
How children access and process information
To complicate matters further, we all access and process information differently. In NLP this is called the Representation System. Everyone has a primary, and possibly a secondary, representational system and we all use some of these systems at varying times.
Some of us are very visual and need to see things to understand. Language such as ‘I see’, ‘I get the picture’, ‘it is clear cut’ may give you an idea of this kind of person.
Kinaesthetic people access information through their feelings and by doing things. These people may say ‘that feels right’, ‘I have this gut feeling’ or ‘I get the drift.
Then there are the auditory people who may say ‘It is as clear as a bell’ or ‘I hear you’. These people often talk to themselves to process information.
There is a further category of auditory digital people. They say things like, ‘Give me some time to process that’. These people can appear not to be listening but they hear you perfectly. Sometimes all you need to do is plant the seed of an idea with them and they will begin to think about it.
If you are an auditory person expressing yourself through words and your child is kinaesthetic, they will want and need activity. They may well be feeling that you are ‘nagging’ and keeping them from doing what they want to do. You are talking in what is like a foreign language to them. Changing some of your language to match your child’s method of understanding may well be the solution. It can be that easy.
Does your child really know that you love them?
People communicate and feel love in different ways. In his book The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman describes the Love Language categories as Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. As Chapman describes it, people usually need an element of each to fill their ‘love tanks’.
We tend to show our love in the way in which we would like to see it expressed to us. It may be very useful to experiment and observe your children to determine what they perceive as being most important for them. By being able to communicate to your child in a way that is important to their sense of feeling loved, you will help build their internal security, understanding and sense of wellbeing.
All of these suggested forms of communication, though far from being complete, may give the parent an idea that communication as we know it is not as uncomplicated was we would originally assume. Effective communication requires a willingness to listen, honesty and openness but most of all it requires practice and a willingness to learn.
By John Hacking
Parenting Tips: 7 questions to ask yourself to see whether you really listen to your child
Even though talking to our children is really important, because that is how they learn, we need to be particularly mindful that we are also listening from their point of view. This is so important, because not only does it help develop their language and cognitive skills, but it is a wonderful way for our children’s self-esteem to grow because they are being heard. Listening deeply to your child is one essential way to have a close and connected relationship with them.
To ensure that you are truly listening to your child ask yourself these seven questions:
1. Do you spend more time talking to your child rather than listening?
2. Do you finish their sentences for them?
3. Do you interrupt?
4. Do you plan what you are going to say before your child has finished?
5. Do you give your child the answer or solution rather than let them work it out for themselves?
6. Do you ask your child closed or open ended questions?
(Closed questions are ones to which you can answer a simple yes or no. Open ended questions do what they say – they open up the conversation.)
7. Do you ask yourself at the end of every day: “Have I really listened to my child today?”
If your answers to these questions have left you thinking that you need to listen to your children more, what a great step you are now able to take to ensure a loving closeness with your children and what an opportunity you will give them to boost their self-esteem. Their opinions and ideas will be heard and they will very much be a part of your family’s decision making. Such a gift you will give!
If your answers to these questions left you thinking that you do listen to your children well – congratulations – you are giving your children a great start as they are able to express their feelings and thoughts and contribute to family discussion.
The bottom line is that listening deeply to our children is so important and once we as parents are aware of that, we can listen with our lips shut and with our hearts, to give our kids every opportunity to express who they really are
Dog Behavior Training to Stop Your Puppy Chewing Everything in Sight
Ok so its day one and you’ve just brought your new cute little puppy home for the first time, all the family love its little puppy paws running around in its new surrounding. The entire family are instantly addicted to playing with the dog and all want it to sleep with them that night.
Day two comes and everything seems just as happy and playful as the previous day, except today, the puppy is slightly more used to its surroundings and gnawing and chewing on everything seems to be the new game for your puppy.
So how do you stop your dog chewing, biting, and general all round shredding of everything their little mouths can get around? Simply telling your puppy to stop and removing him from the scene, although it might help in the long run slightly, is not going to help your furniture in the short term and they’ll be straight back chewing something else.
It takes time for your new puppy to grasp the idea of what they can and can’t chew to bits, chewing and biting is quite normal for a puppy and is all part of the process of teething, chewing helps the puppy cope with the soreness of the initial six months or so and is essential for a growing pup.
Nothing is out of bounds for a teething puppy, consider everything a possibility for chewing. Dogs don’t know the difference between your best pair of shoes and a battered old chew toy so it’s your job to show them. From the very beginning you need to show them right from wrong so you don’t come up against the same problem when your little puppy isn’t so little any more.
Chew toys are a great dog toy so take full advantage of them while you still have furniture left in your living room. Show your puppy that its good to play with that toy by rewarding him with doggy treats or something you know he likes, put this toy in front of him and in his mouth as much as possible to encourage him to chew it.
You can’t always be with your puppy so when you find you have to leave your puppy alone in the house it might be a good idea to close him in a puppy proof room with just the essentials and his new puppy chew toy, before long he’ll get used to chewing on the puppy toys and start to notice the difference in reception he gets from chewing your favourite magazine and the reward he gets for using his toy.
There is a lot more to training puppies and teaching your puppy not to chew on everything in sight, and it may take time and some patience before you get there but it’s a lot cheaper than buying a new living room and your puppy will grow into a much better trained dog because of it.
For more information on Dog Behavior Training take a look at dog - behavior - training .co.uk
About the author:
website owner john williams
For more information on dog behavior training
visit dog - behavior - training .co.u
Are You Leaving Your Life?
Are you living your life or is the life leaving you? Think about that. One day at the time we go by the time. As young ones we never had to think in those terms. But as older we gets the more we think about the quality with live. Or don’t we? You can answer for your self. Do you have any children or any young ones around you? Most of us talks about how old we are supposed to be. When our kids ask us because they are in that stage how old are you going to be? We try to convince them that we are immortal. But that is not the case. Should it not be more quality then years? It is not how many years we put in to the lives it is how much quality it is in it. What is quality time for you? You have to make up your mind what it means to you. So many people out there seem to strive for as they call it perfection. But it must be in material terms they are concerned.
I was thinking of my father today that past away the year of 2005. He suffered from a stroke late 1996. He managed that one good due to his drinking problems. The doctor told us it was good because the alcohol was blood thinning. Amazing to see the man next to him was a vegetable. He had the same kind of stroke but has been a non- alcoholic, non- smoker and vegetarian for the whole of his life. My father left the hospital but had minor ones coming to him. So finally he was hospitalized. At one stage we realized he was so dizzy that we had to take him in for an investigation of his behaviours. My mother died 1985 so he was living by him self. At the hospital I brought a magazine while waiting for the doctor. My father loved to read. He told me he could not read and I gave him his glasses. No he said I can not read. Then I put on the TV and he once again said it was no use I can not read. Bang the truth hit me! I had forgotten the letters! How easy we take things for granted.
I use to think back to that time when I am reading a great book. I do like to read just as my father did. Thank God I can still read. That I can still see with my eyes. Is not life about quality then years? Just to be able to enjoy a great meal in a good company. And to sip a nice glass of wine? How about to listen to the birds singing? Watch the children playing? Be thankful to your life and live your life as it would be the last thing you did. Give thanks every day that you are healthy, be happy and tell the people around you that you love them. Life is a blessing and so are you.
MarieLouise is working as a personal trainer, life coach and author. She is also very skilled as a net worker with several years experience from different MLM companies. http://marielouisefalk.blogspot.com
Getting Your Kids to talk
School has started. All over the country, one can hear wailings of grief over the end of summer or whoops of joy as kids go back to school. (My girls are whooping; I’m wailing a bit.) I was a little apprehensive about my older daughter starting middle school, as was she, but the entire week went off without a hitch. Now we’re looking at the end of our first week with relief (it could have been a nightmare if Kathryn hadn’t adjusted well) and excitement (we can’t help but be excited for Kathryn in this new journey of hers).
We’re able to feel this relief and excitement mostly because Kathryn has openly shared with us many details of her first week at school. As a matter of fact, Monday went something like this.
Kathryn: “Mommy, can I tell you all about school?”
Me: “Sure, sweetie!”
Kathryn: “Well, I’m going to start at the beginning and go in order. First, we got on the bus, and the bus driver was very nice. Kate and I sat together. There were a lot of people on the bus. Then, we got to school, and….”
And so it went. We got the complete low-down about school, her classes, her locker (oh-so important!), riding home on the bus with the mean eighth graders, homework, her binder, all the information she brought home, her teachers, and all the many, many details of her new life as a middle schooler.
Now I know we’re lucky. Some kids won’t offer any information about their days. Even when asked direct questions, some kids will only give yes or no answers or the shortest possible response. They just don’t want to talk, yet we as parents really need to know what’s going on in their lives. Here are a few tips for those silent schoolgoers.
–> Tell stories of your own childhood from the similar time frame of your child’s age. Share happy stories, stories where other kids were mean, stories of challenges in the classroom, and anything else you can think of. The goal is to share something about yourself and make it about you. That way, you’re talking about you, and your kids can safely participate. You aren’t talking about them, and they feel free to express their opinions. Then later on, they may be able to share their own stories with you.
–> Play the “what’s the best/worst thing that happened to you today” game. Everyone goes around the table (or car, or living room) and shares the best and worst thing about his/her day. Not only do you get some additional information, but your kids get to see you as a real person with real things going on in your real life.
–> Be aware of what’s going on in your kids’ lives at school. Be familiar with classes they’re taking, books they’re reading, activities they’re in, friends they see, teachers they have, and projects they’re working on. The more you know about their lives, the more you can be up to speed, ask questions, and be able to participate intelligently when they actually do speak to you.
–> Be available. When your child (preschooler or high schooler) does finally open up, listen. If you’re busy doing something else and only paying half attention, why would he continue to talk to you? Give him your attention (although you may need to be nonchalant and try to get rid of that hungry “he’s finally talking to me!” look on your face).
–> Hear what your kids are saying to you. Don’t try to turn it into a lesson (”Now what have we learned from this, class?”) or a morality tale. If you do, then they’ll only come to you when they need a lesson or a moral. How often does that happen?
–> Change the subject. Don’t talk about school. Talk about the song that’s playing on the radio (or iTunes for those of who have older kids). Go over the plans for the weekend. Discuss what to make for dinner. The more your kids get used to you talking to them about all sorts of things, the more they’ll be ready to talk about school.
–> Finally, include your kids in your activities. There are ways to include even the little ones. Cook dinner together. Ask your three-year-old which kind of rolls to buy at the grocery store. Let your teenager pick out the kind of flowers you’re going to plant in the front yard.
There’s more to getting your child to talk about school than just, “How was school today?” The goal is to get her to open up, trust you, and talk to you. Whether you’re whooping or wailing about the start of school, perhaps you can at least celebrate the start of conversation with your kids.
Related Articles - communication, kids, suggestions, tips, advice, school
Financial Woes Often Result In Divorce
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| The most commonly cited reason for divorce is financial problems. All marriages are burdened by financial worry. Divorce is only a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and should not be considered. As you and your spouse battle through the bills and debts TOGETHER, I believe that is possible to strengthen the marriage bond. One of the top causes for filing bankruptcy is divorce. Being too far in debt can damage a marriage, but a divorce will not have a positive impact on your
finances, either. Divorce certainly won’t solve money problems, given that many couples don’t budget or even discuss money while married. Although a divorce is costly, the cost of losing the spouse you loved before the debt set in, is too high of a price to pay. Think about the vow that stated, “for richer or poorer” when you think about the reason for your divorce. The most effective way to prevent a divorce is to seek out the problem, declare a truce with your spouse, and take on the problem together. There’s no point in trying to assign blame; it’s much more vital to plan a way out of debt. Be the master of the situation by admitting the debt, and resolve to take charge of the dilemma at hand. Work out a budget that you can both live with. Stay with your budget once you have one so that you can start making those dollars go farther and track your spending. You will be able to budget your income and ensure that it goes to needed expenses while also identifying other areas that can either be reduced or eliminated. Open a savings account. To make it a bit tougher to withdraw money, I usually have my clients set up the savings account with a bank on the other side of town. A good plan is to place an automatic payment into a savings account from your paychecks. Begin by adding small amounts at first, but continue to add as much as you can. Unexpected bills and emergencies do occur, so be prepared for paying them out of your savings. God has blessed us with possessions and money, but He intends for us to live within the means we’ve been given and not go deeply into debt. God knows what we can manage. If we prove ourselves to be both trustworthy and smart with His possessions, he may choose to give us more. However, if we are careless with our belongings, the Lord will take them away. When you are faced with money woes, Do Not Panic! Refrain from placing blame on your spouse or imagining that divorce is the answer. Sit down and write it all down on a piece of paper. Calmly evaluate your situation to begin to find out what must be accomplished. Determine your course of action by visualizing your situation. Talk to creditors about their hardship programs. A part time job can help to bring in extra money to get you through the rough times. Get in touch with a credit counselor and see if they can help you out in any way. Working together, it’s possible to see (and reach) a light at the end of the tunnel. Being separated will cost you a lot more than money, and it will make it harder to see the light. Joe Larson is one of the certified Christian credit counselors for Family Life Credit Services, a nationwide Christian credit counseling agency since 1986. The goal of FLCS is to strengthen and encourage families and individuals through Christian faith-based financial counseling. They offer financial educational materials free of charge as well as the opportunity to work with a certified counselor in your area of need. |
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